I think I've got some explaining to do.

The following is in reference to my post of a few days ago titled [Maria exeunt.]. I've yet to discuss any me + my interior, and perhaps now is the time. It's not going to be exceptionally eloquent, but nor are these easy ideas.

I am not unhappy about going to San Demetrio Corone, in fact I'm actually looking forward to it quite a bit for a lot of reasons: I'm hoping I'll meet some interesting people, I'll be in a new and exotic environment, I'll be studying interesting things. However, practically speaking, it will be a much more intensive situation than my Roman situation -- instead of 6 credits in a month, I'll be doing 9.

My time in Rome has been blissfully happy. I've had time to think, to read, to renew myself after the period in which I considered myself a monster, someone who was not my self as last semester ended at SHU. Everything I've done while I've been here has been for me and at a minimum of stress. I haven't been pushing myself. To that end, there are so many people I haven't called, and therefore so many people I haven't seen. I haven't even gone into Saint Peter's since I've been here, I haven't gone to the Pantheon, I haven't seen the Rafaello show at the Borghese Gallery, I haven't gone to the Museo Nazionale d'Arte Antica at Palazzo Barberini. I list these things with a tinge of regret, yet at the same time, peace. I've needed this time to myself, and it's made me think a lot about the idea of being alone in a positive sense (not lonely) while being surrounded by millions of people.

This sojourn in Rome has not been about me going crazy, has not been about me stressing myself out unduly, has not been about anything but me renewing myself, and I'm not complaining, because I know how much I've needed this time. Just because I haven't done a lot of touring around and viewing and doing things I wanted to do, does not mean I've done nothing either. So incredibly much good has come out of this last month, in ways that are not very tangible, nor normal to other people's visits to Rome, but I know how good it has been, because I've been being quite selfish with regard to my capacity for relaxation and mild hedonism.

For so many people, Rome is a city of spiritual importance. It is for me too, but not usually or not only in the sense of Rome as the New Jerusalem, but rather as a place I can return to a a touchstone. The beginning of my current Roman period, which began in August 2000 established Rome as an important part and stage of and for my growing up process. My time here has also always been a high point for me intellectually, because here not only have I been challenged, but also encouraged, which does not oft happen in the other places I've found myself. When I am back here, I can plunge back into this warm atmosphere and renew myself.

Additionally, I can not begin to describe how good and wonderful it has been for me to be with the Orzali's. They have been my family, my sounding board, my support network, my motivators, my teachers. I've been so incredibly at home here that in a lot of ways I've reverted back to my old Roman self -- so the not going to Saint Peter's is not unusual! (Before anyone gets annoyed or starts assuming anything, it's not that I have anything against Saint Peter's, it's just that I haven't had any reason to go there, I've been in it so many times before, and it's the peak of tourist season.) It's no longer about me visiting here, it's about me living here, being at home here, about Rome being a natural environment for me to find myself in.

My point is that hopefully my time in Calabria will be a healthy continuation of the same. If it is not, that's ok, because I've had my time in Rome and I'll be back. I'm not the first, nor will I be the last, to love this city and to consider it my own.